


Picture of You

by Pyret1582



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-22
Updated: 2012-09-22
Packaged: 2017-11-14 19:02:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/518501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyret1582/pseuds/Pyret1582
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Past, life a void memory that Kazuya only thought was a dream, but what if?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Slipping off

**Author's Note:**

> Those Guys will never belong to me, cause Johnny don't sell them to me. 
> 
> Somewhere between now and Mesia never exisited, so maybe a bit fantasy. 
> 
> Keept their name in their past life, so it would be easier to understand~ 
> 
> Lyrics carefully chosen spacefic for this little journy, and thanks to a stupid picture I found.

All of my memories  
Keep you near  
In silent moments  
Imagine you'd be here  
All of my memories  
Keep you near  
The silent whispers, silent tears

 

‘Plunging inside a memory, a memory that seemed far away, I want to reach it out and grasp it to grasp a hold on that bittersweet reality that I want to hold onto in my palm and carry forever’

“Kazuya~”

“Kame-chan!”

Koki kneels beside his fallen friend with a frantic look in his eyes as Yuichi lays his palm upon the slightly burning forehead.

“Kame?”

A groan came from those thin lips as eyes flutters open and Junno gets the cue, so he rush off to snatch a water bottle.

“What happen?” Koki’s voice filled with concern as he had that look in his eyes, searching after an answer.

“If I knew, I’ve given the answer…” Kazuya huffs a bit annoyed with himself as he apparently had found the floor in a middle of a rehearsal made it more real know, it felt like plunging out of a dream and having his concerning friends over him, made him doubt that this was a dream, he had fainted before, finding him naked like a born baby in the bathroom and he thought that was a dream. But know he grasp the reality. The reality swarms back and slowly came to focus once again and hands help him and the world stop spinning.

“So?” Koki frantic look was still there, still waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know what happen until I saw the world dance before me…”

Kame accepted the water bottle with gratitude as he felt a bit ridicules and he laughed inwardly that he had managed to faint in this chosen moment of all places in the world.

“Go home and get some sleep…” Yuichi told him, like a worried father and his worried eyes made Kame cringe inside.

“You think that will help?”

“At this moment, yes and eat food…”

Kazuya chuckles, sure his schedule was fucked up, Dream Boys was starting tomorrow the last preparation was going to be held later this evening, and his so called band mates wanted him in bed sleeping.

“Come on Kame-chan I’ll drive you home…” Koki tells him softly.

“I’m fine…” Kazuya pouts like a child that got send home to sit in the corner.

“For once listen to your body…” Yuichi growls and Ueda, who seemed quiet nodded, his face was passive but of course he was worried, but he didn’t want to panic it was enough with two frantic persons in the room.

Kazuya gave up still pouting given his pouty look and Koki chuckles as he ruffles his hair.

“I’m fine…” He gave in when he felt Koki lift him up carefully and starts to drag him along like a scolding brother. He gave up pointless to fight his concerning band members.

“A bed is all you will concern yourself with now, and food, real food, when was the last time you slept Kazuya?”

Kazuya chuckled inwardly, he had lived on less sleep but not with a fatigue on that, well there was once, during his junior years but this was now, not then and having scolding band mates at your heels made him give in, and he founds his butt perched in the car and Koki’s worried eyes still gazing at him as he drove away from the parking loot and Kazuya can’t seemed to hold his eyes open and lets his lids shut for just a second, reality became a dream.

Koki had dropped him off with scolding eyes, bribing him to sleep and Kazuya had just mumbled out a simply ‘I’m fine’ and left a trouble Koki behind that seemed to fight against how own inner demons to not fallow the baby to nurse him back to reality, which seemed impossible. Koki cursed inwardly as he drove away and a number of concerning messages from the agency and Yuichi, he had dropped the youngest one off but it was still work to be done. Praying out his concerning thoughts of Kame he had work to focus on, and a red light seemed like a bad luck so he stopped as he drums his fingers against the steering wheel, he sighs.

Kazuya takes a relaxing bath, trying to empty his mind that did seemed to be faraway, in a place he couldn’t reach – like a unknown journey and the sound of his phone buzzing in the distance and he seemed to not even care as he closed his eyes, just enjoying this minute of peace. He wakes up by the phone ringing in the living room signing he had to leave the comforting water as he sees the name flash on the screen and he smiled a bit as he answers.

“I’m fine~”       

“I hope you are, but your friends didn’t seem so convenient…”

Kame chuckled.

“I’ll be at work tomorrow, don’t worry…”

“Good, then I don’t need to call an ambulance, and be careful this evening, I don’t want the news that you fainted.” A soft chuckle was heard and Kazuya smiled as he felt a bit contend hearing his managers concerning voice.

“Get some sleep before you’re dragged off to god knows where…” 

Kazuya scrolls through his messages and stops when he read one from Koki, ‘I hope for your sake that you are sleeping!’

And another that made his stomach warm.

“Call me~”

Even in these hectic hours the situation had reached half way across the world.

 

Together in all these memories  
I see your smile  
All the memories I hold dear  
Darling you know I love you till the end of time


	2. Please Hold on to Me

Show me ai no umi de  
Hold me kowareru made  
Tell me hadaka no mama  
Love me shinjitsu nara  
Catch me amai wana ni  
Leave me oboreru yoru  
Touch me kokoro no hida  
Shake me nurashiteyuku

 

“I’m fine…”

“Tell me one good reason and I will believe you…”

Kazuya chuckles, his black bags under his eyes didn’t seem to be intruding and it couldn’t seem to tell the person sitting next to him otherwise.

“Kame…”

Kazuya chuckles as he felt fingers entwine with his squeezing them.

“Yuichi is going to have your head.”

“Then let him…”

“Kame~” The warning again, Kazuya had ended up passing out after a photo shoot, thank gods after it, not under nor before, but his frantic friends couldn’t seem to hold their worries aside and rushed him to the nearest clinic, so here he was in a hospital bed hocked up to fluids, the members thought he didn’t drink enough, worry tarts they were but Kazuya felt cared for, knowing his parents would have his head when they heard he had fainted.

“I don’t have time to linger here…” He whines and those eyes that looked hard at him made him step down from the hill he was standing on and he closes his eyes and that vivid dream, no memory pass by and he blinks his eyes open.

“Just rest, I know where you are promised later, but for now rest. Yuichi will bring the necessarities, just rest.” Koki tells him sweetly and the hidden concern voice couldn’t go undetected and Kazuya gives in and he drifts of fallowing the path that seemed to lead somewhere.

 

\-----

 

“Kazuya-sama”  

The sun shines straight into her face, she blinks her eyes open groaning when a new day peaked around the corner, she didn’t want to get up to play the perfect daughter, didn’t want to see that smirk on her father’s face when he told her about politics and his company going well – and that she needed to get married to a wealthy man, a rich man that could bring the company to its feet. – Money, money was the only thing he cared about – not the welfare of his own daughter.

“Kazuya–sama, let get dressed a new day is beginning…”

“Leave me alone, can’t I just get one moment of peace…” She grumbles as she opens her perfect thin Japanese eyes as her pouty thin lips peeked over the heavy duvet, winter had come like white blanket covered the land, she sighs feeling the chill bite her skin and it was time to play the prefect daughter to a famous business man – the man called her father.

“Kazuya~”

 

\----

 

“Kazuya~”

The heart monitor quicken its pace and a body shook as eyes snapped open meeting four pair of concerning eyes and Kame sat up with a scared look in his eyes that seemed lost.

“Kame?” Koki said as he lays his hands on top of Kazuya’s shoulders, and Kazuya world swarm before him as reality faced him once again and he rubs his eyes when he was aware what was happening around him and those hands on his shoulders that shook him slightly as he draws in puffs of air.

“You’re safe…”

“It wasn’t a nightmare, Koki…” Kazuya brushed him off as he falls back on the bed again, trying to remember something from the strange vivid dream he had.

“Then what was it?” Nakamaru says as he approached the bed sitting down at the edge of the bed.

“What’s the clock?”

“Kazuya…”

“Yuichi not now, please...” No matter how whiny and bossy that voice sounded, he didn’t know what to tell his worried friends, not to worry, they had already pass that and it didn’t seemed to work and Kazuya couldn’t tell them something else because they were evolved no matter how much he liked it or not.

“How much is the clock…” He asked once again and he heard Yuichi sigh.

“You better get dressed. I drive you to the filming location…” Kazuya smirked a bit triumphly as he heard that defeated voice from Yuichi as the doctor walks inside to extract the fluids that hooked him and he gives the nurse a grateful smile and she tells him a couple of things, which he brush off, and sleep? – well that one of those things he had to live without for the moment as he attempt to get out of the hospital clothes and into his own.

“Kazuya let me drive you…” Yuichi tells him and Kazuya throws him a look.

He sighs and gives in, and he kicks himself for making his band members worry about him.

“Thank you…”

“You know we are here if you want to talk Kazuya…” Yuichi tells him, something flicker in those eyes as he felt a comforting hand comb through his hair and he nods.

“Look it’s just that, even if I’m fainting here and there, the strangest thing is I feel fine afterwards, I do eat, sleep and drink and it’s scaring me.”

He had left a worried Yuichi to pounder over his thoughts as he walked into the changing room to become an actor, and a demon called Bemu.

A much thinner body slams into him and a pair of shorter arms wraps around him and he pats the head, feeling a new rush of adrenaline course through his body and he felt happy as he pressed a kiss atop that mop of black hair. Leaving his thoughts to rest and work on his mind.

“Fuku…” He mumbles and it was reality. He wasn’t slipping off.

Kazuya felt himself disappear behind a mask that was Bemu, and he wonder if he ever had carried another mask of hidden lies. But when Fuku tugged at the hem of his shirt, his thoughts disappeared once again and he flashed the younger a smile, it was time to resume fans favorite Youkai.

\--

Stumbling inside his dressing room, from one place to another and he wanted a shower and something to eat badly as his stomach growls from the lack of food. Senga throws him a concern look and he waved it off as he did his usual strip tease before snatching a clean a towel and disappearing inside the shower as he leans the head against the wall – he could almost hear the babbling from hundreds of people, one hour left and he would be the star of Dream Boys.

“Kazuya, you okay?”

Kazuya heard another concert voice and he smiled, ‘I’m fine’ He voiced out and smacked himself, he wasn’t fine, truth was he was scared for something he couldn’t put his finger on, but he felt fine – and that what’s people was concerned about.    

KAT-TUN shoveled food down his throat, and every break they had Nakamaru was there with something to give him to eat, if it was sweets or food they didn’t care, just to see him eat was satisfied enough. Kazuya couldn’t complain when he almost forgot to eat and remembers Koki’s face after they had finished up his lunch, Koki was there to try to bribe him into eating even more to but some extra weight on his slim form he tried to build here. But his friends ignored it of course, just telling him he needed to gain some pounds, it wouldn’t hurt. Kazuya knew better not to say no when his friends offered him food tough but he liked his form, his slim body and his muscles he started to regain once again thanks to his Bemu roll and his form in Dream Boys.

Turning of the water, wrapping a towel around his hips, he better prepare himself and facing the audience and show them that he was a star. He faced a changing room with smiling faces and he remembers why he loves his work so damn much. He dressed in his show clothes forming a circle saying words of words of encouragement – being the senpai people looked up to and just being himself. 

 

\----

 

“I’m fine, you listen to much to the worry tarts call my band…”

“So tell me, are you okay?”

Kazuya leans his head against the steering wheel, resting his head against it as he closes his eyes.

“I’m fine, well psychology, but in the same time I’m afraid…”

“Okay, now you are scaring me…”

“Jin~”

“Okay, I’m not worried…”

Kazuya snorts over the receiver.

”I can hear your irony behind that voice…”

“I can’t be there to hold you Kazu, but if you don’t talk then I don’t know how to help you…”

“I want you here Jin, I miss you…”

I’m slipping off.

“I miss you to, but Kame you have four wonderful team mates you have spent half your life with, who you trust, I’m not there don’t hide behind a façade no one can tear down.” 

“I love you…”

“I love ya too.”

“Kazuya look, I have to go, just call me if you want to talk, just anything…”

Kazuya smiled, that smile reach his whole face, he missed Jin, more then he barging for and he felt his phone buzz.

“Don’t dwell on it…”

“Cheeky you Jin…”

Home to get some hours of sleep, until he had to drag his ass to the next event on the list he gather his wits and roared his car into life, home to curl under a blanket with his dogs and the humming of the TV.

What he didn’t expect was a knock on the door, Koki’s grinning face and two boxes of Pizzas and Kazuya chuckles as he takes a step to the side to invite Koki inside and he closed the door behind him to be a good host and fetch something to drink, even if wine wasn’t such delicate to pizza but he rather prefer it then the beer which he got for Koki.

“What’s this suddenly occasion?”

“Dinner, can’t I just barge in uninvited and hang with one of my favorite persons?” Koki pouted.

Kazuya smiled as he rolls his eyes hitting Koki in the back of his head.

“And for your concern, I’m fine…”

“Mou, Kame-chan’s evil…”

“Let’s eat before Ran decides to lick your face clean.” Kazuya snickers when Koki pats her as she had started to lick his face.

“Are you sure you are alright?”

Kazuya cringed.

“How many times are you going to ask me that?”

“Until I get a satisfied answer…” Koki told him before he has a mouth full of pizza in his mouth and Kazuya chuckles as he pops the cork and serves the beer for Koki before refilling his own glass of red wine.

“I wish I could tell you, but somehow it got stuck buried deep inside my brain…”

“What?” Koki croaks in.

“I don’t know…Memories…”

“Of what?”

Kazuya shakes his head, he looks a bit lost, feeling the slightly tingle of pain behind his temples.

“Koki, I really don’t know.”

“Stop looking like that…”

“Like what?”

“That face…”

Koki sighs, still his gaze linger on Kazuya’s form and he smiled a bit when he saw the younger one eating.

 

\-----

 

Feeling overly dressed as she tried to fix her 18th century dress around her hips smothering it down, not really looking ahead from where she was going she pumped into someone but didn’t drop onto the ground still remain standing she looks down on the person, but didn’t seemed to acknowledge his face.

“I’m sorry…”

“Get your filthy hands off me!”

That voice sounded so boyish and those brown eyes met hers and a tug left her breathless when that slim body disappeared among the maze of people.

“Kazuya-sama, we got to move…”

“Jin~”

 

\-----

 

Brown perfect line Japanese lined eyes snaps open.

“Jin~”

I am slipping off.

 

Show me ai no umi he  
hold me suberiochite  
Kiss me tokeru hodo ni  
Love me tetsu no namida  
Stop me kokoro no kagi  
Lock me kono te no naka  
Use me shigami tsuite  
Take me rakuen made

 


	3. Moon

Kurushii kimochi yami ni kakushite fuzakete ita ano koro  
Taikutsu na otona ni naru yotei datta kedo  
Kagi kaketeta kokoro sotto akete  
Arigatou to iu kotoba kimi ni ima todoku kana

 

 

Kazuya’s face is stinging with a slightly throbbing pain as he rubs it, thanks god for painkillers - just waiting for it to dull, sweet pain and the world seemed to have to stop spinning, the doctor given him an ‘OKAY’ sign just saying it was a minor injury and he would wake up with a blue mark on his face and a stinging pain.

“Are you okay I heard what happen…”

Kazuya chuckles at his own cheekiness and that ‘are you okay?’ question at him started to get on his nerves just a tiny bit, but it was the rapper asking him, if he was okay. No he wasn’t okay, his head filled with lies, a vivid memory – a secret he couldn’t reveal.

He sends away, ‘It could be worse’ and it felt like he wanted to bite e head off if everyone could just stop asking if he was okay.

His phone rang vibrating in his hand he growls into the receiver.

“What!”  

“Oi~ it’s a bit early to bite peoples head off…”

“Sorry…” Kame whined.

“Kazu, what’s wrong?”

“I have this major head ache and tired of people asking me if am okay, yea I am fantastic, how are you on this fine morning?”

“I’m fine, bit tired but hey that’s life, Kazu take care of yourself go home and get some sleep…”

“Jin, when are you free to actually, be able to you know take a break or move some of your work here?”

“Sorry I have filming still, what do you miss my warmth that much?” He teased.

Kazuya flushed bright red.

“I miss you so much, you have no idea.”

“I miss you too, drive safe, I know you are still standing in the parking lot, don’t dwell on things go home and sleep, you have a photo shoot tomorrow.”

Kazuya nods curtly even if Jin won’t be able to see it, it felt comforting just hearing his voice, he missed those arms that seemed so familiar but yet so distance.

“Jin, thank you…”

“For what?”

“For loving me…”

“Don’t get all musy on me…”

Kazuya chuckles and they throw words of love before Kazuya crash and burn in a bed, or couch and those few hours of sleep he can get before another work begins and Nakamaru had offered him a place on the couch, which he accepted and catch a couple of hours of worth-full sleep.

 

\-----

 

“Kazuya how is my perfect daughter?”  

Kazuya cringed; she flashed her father a fake smile.

“Father, pleasure…”  

“You have met my business partner, John.”

A kiss was pressed at the top of her hand.

“Pleasure, you look more beautiful for every day that goes by Kazuya…”

Kazuya wanted to pull her hand back but he released it gently and she flashed him a smile.

“Thank you.”

“Well Kazuya, be a good lady and let her father speak…” He told her as he pulls his so called ‘friend’ with him. Kazuya snorts, be good and play the perfect daughter. She hated her life hating that her father wanted to control her, control her every step in the future.

She grumbled something under her breath as she walks towards the dining table, loaded with a lot of delicate dishes and some people nods at her acknowledge and she flashes them a smile.

“Why do I suddenly get the feeling that you don’t wanna be here…”

Kazuya spun around, coming face to face with a pair of very familiar brown eyes.

“You~”

“Can say the same about you…”

Where’s the sarcasms, where was that mouth screaming how filthy she was.

Kazuya chuckled.

“Humor me…”

“Name’s Jin, Akanishi Jin.”

“Kazuya, Kamenashi Kazuya…”

“I figure as much.”

“Huh?”

“Never mind~” Jin flashed her smile and Kazuya felt like she was slipping on ice, that smile, those eyes.

“How did managed to wound up in this flashy party?”

“What can I say I have my interrogation of moving around...” That damn smirk, Kazuya wanted to wipe it of his face so badly.

“That’s sounds dull…”

“My life’s never dull, but I have starved, living on the street and somehow I managed to stumble upon this flashy party with descent clothing, you call that dull?” He whispers those last words in a delicate ear.

Kazuya felt shivers down her spine.

“I don’t know, I’ve always dress to serve and play the perfect daughter, so tell me Jin, show me otherwise…” Her seductive tone made Jin’s heart skip a bit and fate seemed to leap in and take a taste of them.

“Your father’s heading this way…”

“Take me from here. I don’t think he has spotted me yet…” 

Jin entwines his fingers with Kazuya’s ignoring peoples look as he finds a route through a sea maze of people.

“Trust me…”

“I trust you…” Kazuya smiled, he felt so free and careless and the idea of running of, when her father controlled her life with his iron tongue.

 

\------

 

“Jin~”

Eyes blink and realty came washing over him and he remembers where he was as he slowly sat up and drags his palm over his face.

“Kazuya?”

Kazuya saw Nakamaru’s form, a silhouette in the dark, his hair tussled his sleepy eyes trying to take in the darkness and Kame wanted to chuckle.

“You okay?” Yawn fallowed and Kazuya cringed on the inside as he falls back on the couch.

“Just a vivid dream…”

“You are okay aren’t you?”

“Yuichi, stop asking if I am fine, I’m fine so stop concerning yourself…” Kazuya snaps and somehow he can make out that stricken face in the darkness.

“I’m sorry…”

“No I’m sorry, look I’m fine, it was just a stupid dream let’s forget about it…” Kazuya tells him gently.

“Okay, but if you want to talk, or anything I’m here…”

“Thank you.”

“Good night.”

Kazuya mutters something under his breath, but why did his heart say the opposite of reality, that it wasn’t a strange dream.

A taste of bittersweet truth tainted his mind and he closed his eyes, returning to sleep.

 

\----

 

Jin loose his tie as he saw Kazuya move around his so called hid out, no apartment.

“So…”

“I never thought that someone this poor could have so much stuff…”

“Well I come by, somehow you know…”

Kazuya smiled, curiosity taken a hold on her.

“Well, Mr. Akanishi. I hope you are hungry and will take this lady out on a dinner date…”

Jin smiled bowing at the offer.

“Well my lady, let me show you to the kitchen…”

Kazuya accepted Jin’s arm and he would never dream of stepping inside a beautiful kitchen, cleaned and seemed to hold everything a kitchen should need.

“Told you I get by…”

“Cheeky you…” Kazuya chuckles and Jin slowly dine the table even managed to find some candles to lit up as Kazuya managed to steal some food from the table at the wealthy party and Jin of course also find a bottle of red wine. 

“Romantic…”

Jin snorts.

“I am not the romantic type…”

“We’ll see about that.” Kazuya gaze soften and Jin wants to melt in that endless pool of brown eyes but he serves the wine and being the gentle man he is, he pulls out the chair for Kazuya to sit down and pushed him closer to the table and he couldn’t help to press a kiss at that cheek.

“Oi the butler never kiss their host you know…”

Jin mutters something under his breath, something about rich brats before he takes a seat at the table.

“Does it really bother you that much?” Kazuya asks softly.

“Yes it does, you have everything, but it’s the bratty attitude I hate and the fact that they are to blind to even know what reality is…”

“Then show me, Jin show me what reality is…”

Jin blinks.

“Somehow I knew you were different, I saw that look on your face when your father showed up with his so called friend.”

“Well then, I’m glad someone saw through my hidden façade…” Kazuya smiled curtly as she played around with the food, not really feeling like she wanted to eat.

“Let me save you…”

Kazuya looks up to him.

“I think you already have.”    

“Let’s eat…”

“And there goes the spoil sport…” Kazuya cheekily says as she sees those cheeks heat up.

“I hate you…”

“No quite the opposite…” She grins.

Jin huffs as he tries to concentrate on the food, having the feeling that this person would turn his life upside down.

And god he was so right about that, he just didn’t knew it, yet.

Food eaten, dishes but away, cleaned away and dry and gently put back in the cupboards again Kazuya strides inside the antic living room again as she loosen her knot on her hair letting the long hair fall down over her shoulders. Leaning her head against the arm rest of the couch letting some of the hair hang down, but she didn’t care and the lips cut curtly in a pout and Jin, Jin seemed memories by those long curls and the black hair seemed so silken soft that he couldn’t control his hand that reached out gently combing through it, softly and gently and their eyes met. Jin leans down as his instance stare put a spell on them and he leans closer, and closer until their lips touch and Kazuya makes the last move, pushing her head up, their lips touch and she plunge inside of the bittersweet lie as lips moved gently and tenderly against each other.

Her father would have her head, but in this moment she didn’t seem to care, not when fate played its little game and she tilts his head more backwards and the kiss turns messier and more passionate, more demanding and Kazuya couldn’t contain that sweet moan from her lungs and the kiss stops and their dazzle eyes met, no words was needed, not in this moment to know the answer.

Plunching inside a vivid memory of the past, that seemed so far, far away Kazuya wonders if this what fate had lead them to?

“Jin~”  

“Kazuya?”

Kazuya blinks as he snaps back to reality, that voice brought him back and he wonder when he had entered the studio, and he is scared, for the first time in his life he’s scared of himself.

“Wha-?”

“Kamenashi-kun, is everything alright?”

Kazuya can’t seem to trust his voice. He just nods and gives one of the staff a dashing smile as he walks inside trying to shake of the scary feeling as it creeps slowly up his spines making him shiver.

Work Kazuya, it’s just a stupid dream playing tricks on you, but his heart told him something else.

Sighing as todays work lay ahead of him, and he felt his heart leap with joy _going_ was after all about his favorite sport and he felt his inner child to come out and play.

But why could he still feel the sweet taste of a pair of lips linger tingling on his rosy ones.

 

\---

 

“Dinner?”

That as the last word he saw, written in a small messege in his phone before the world turns black and his body made the impact on the cold bathroom floor.

Kazuya chuckles curtly, fate had stepped in and played its lite game, their faith was entwined, but at what cost. What had brought them back together, what had made them get this second chance?  

 

 

I got 2, 5 years to tell yall about  
25 tears I cried and  
set aside for a bitch that lied  
Now I sit inside can't believe that i tried  
But I'd let it all go just to know  
Did you really trust in me or was it just a show  
Now the shows that I go get a little bit longer  
And the motivation gets a little stronger

 


	4. Orchard of Minds

Don't taint this ground with the color of the past  
Are the sounds in bloom with you?  
Cause you feel like an orchard of mines  
Just take one step at a time

 

“Kazuya~”

“You!”

“I have a name you know…” Jin smiles teasingly.

“What are you doing here?” Kazuya hissed as she looks around, afraid that her servants was close by, they had left her here while they were running errands that occurred her father’s company so she thought of finding her boredom window shopping.

“Out on a stroll, and you?”

“My servants thought that father’s business was more important, so here I am…” She chuckles curtly as her eyes fasted on a beautiful piece of jewelry.

“Unfaithful servants, then my lady you don’t mind my company then?” He bows and Kazuya can’t help to laugh softly as she felt her cheeks heathen up and she mutters something under her breath but she takes Jin’s arm letting him guide her down the path.

“Have you eaten yet?” She asks softly.

“Nope, not since yesterday…”  

“Then let lunch be on my accord.” Kazuya tells him sweetly.

Kazuya leads Jin through ally as he stops outside what seemed to be an appropriate dinner and Jin nods in improvement and the little tingle of the doorbell rang when they stepped inside and Jin felt like a fish in the sea of hungry sharks.

“Relax.” Kazuya whispers as he says a table for two and the buffet looks even more appropriative and Jin can feel his stomach grumble and he blushes scarlet red.  

Kazuya chuckles curtly as she led Jin towards the food.

“Eat as much as you want.” She smiled as she starts to load her plate with delicious food, and Jin could only agree as he loaded his plate with delicious food as they made their way back to the table and took their seats as a servant served the wine which they had offered to drink.

Jin’s eyes shines up at all the food, stuffing his mouth filled with food and Kazuya can’t help to admire him, he didn’t eat like a pig, it was something sensual about his moves and she pouts over the rim of the glass and Jin sees that pout, those red lips pouting curtly at him.

“What…”

“Nothing…” She replies resuming eating with a blush.

“Aww, come on…”

Kazuya blushes more when she felt that foot starting to rub against her ankle slowly and teasingly.

“I envy you…”

“What why?” Jin shocked eyes made Kazuya smile and her heart jump.

“You’re so carefree, you don’t care what happens tomorrow or where you end up, that’s what I admire about you…”

“Oi, don’t go all mushy on me...” Jin chuckles, feeling flattered as his cheeks heats up even more.

Kazuya sees people looking at them. She doesn’t care as she leans a bit closer.

“Then Jin, tell me, what’s your next plan of adventure this evening?”

“I don’t know…” Jin opens his mouth feeling his heart beating at a faster pace as he looks down on his plate and hears that wonderful chuckle.  

“Comes from the guy who kissed me, and I haven’t even asked how old you are, how rude of me…” She teased.

“Mou, enough…” Jin whines as he continues eating slipping his leg back under the chair.

“Shy all of sudden?” She teases.

“No, I’m just…”

 “Just what?” She tilts her head to the side looking at Jin waiting for an answer.

“I like you…”

Kazuya just raise her eye-brow.

“I establish that…” She points out the fact.

“So…” 

“Take me to a date, Jin.”

“Isn’t this date enough…” He teases.

“This is on me…” Kazuya huffs as she takes a meat piece inside her mouth.

“Very well, my lady…” Jin teases as he sees those brown eyes glare at him.

 

I'll say it to be proud, won't have my life turn upside down  
Says the man with some, with some gold forged plan  
Of life so incomplete, like weights strapped around my feet  
Tread careful one step at a time

 

“Kazuya?”

“Hmm?”

Yuichi sits down beside his friend, seeing those tired eyes as he holds the bottle in front of his eyes and Kazuya smiles and mutters a ‘thank you’ under his breath as he let the water burn away the blood taste in mouth.

“Get home, get some rest…” Yuichi tells him.

Two more days to wrap their last dancing step up, and this was all decided so suddenly, they had just a couple of days to finish it.

“Rest, when do I have time for it?” He smiles bitterly as a hand offers him help up and he accept it.

“Take a nap, you have a stage performance, tomorrow more press conference, we don’t want you fainting.”   

“You worry too much, grandpa Yu-chan…” Kazuya tells him as he leaves Yuichi to ponder on his taught, Kazuya don’t have time for a nap as he throws a glance at the clock, in fact he needs to head to the theater, change and step up on that stage and be the entertainer, he felt proud to be a part of this, even this year he had gotten the role – to reclaim the throne.

 

\---- 

 

“And who is this?”

“Murasaki-san, this is Jin, Akanishi Jin.”

 “And where do you think you will be heading, Kazuya-sama?”

“Nowhere that concern you, tell my father that I’ll be late…” She tells with a generous bow as she slowly starts to walk away and Jin blinks and for all – Murasaki’s face didn’t look happy, not happy at all.

“Well then, let me take you to a place…” Jin said and Kazuya smiled and felt that tugging in her heart, feeling carefree at the first time in her life – fate was a funny twist of reality.

“Jin~”

Kazuya whispers as the hair blow against her skin as she unties her hair leaning her head back, letting the wind catch her in an untamed embrace, her pouty lips open and a pure bliss tainted on her face as her skin tingles up with warmth from the sun rays that caress her skin. She felt free – she didn’t need to be the devoted daughter.

“I come here to think sometimes, pounder over my thoughts, a safe heaven.”  

“Then I feel blessed, thank you Jin~”

“No thank you,” Jin feels his cheeks heat up when he sees Kazuya’s form, so relaxed so carefree like no one could order her around – not playing the devoted daughter of a power-corrupt control man.

They had managed to sneak up on a roof, pass guards and up the stairs, feeling so carefree and young, it was almost childless to think that.

“Show me your world and let me be a part of it.” Kazuya holds her hand out and Jin doesn’t hesitate as he got pulled towards a body and enfold in a hug and his arms wraps around those slender hips, breathing in the smell, feeling the tingle of perfume and underneath a part of Kazuya.

“I don’t care what the outcome is set me free from these chains that hold me.”

“I will.”

Lips met a palm cup partly of the cheek as Jin tilts his head depending the kiss as Kazuya pulls him closer and the kiss turns more messier and fingers tangles in those black silken locks – air seemed not to be needed, plunging into a void of fate.

\--

“Kazuya, where have you been?”

“Father, don’t concern yourself to much, or you die faster if you pounder over thoughts I will not give answers too…”

“Kazuya, where were you?”

“Just out, I am not a kid anymore.”

“No, you’re not but I am worried about you.”

Kazuya wanted to laugh, worried about her, more likely her ass to save the family business, to gain more power over the poor lower beings that stood under him.

“I can take care of myself father.” She tells him and bows as she stalks up the stairs.

“There’s dinner waiting.”

“Not hungry, I am going to take a bath.” She calls over her shoulder trying to keep the annoyed voice hidden, being polite as possible.

She hears that sigh, and knows she had won the battle for now. 

 

\---

 

Kazuya blinks his eyes open, another memory about destiny – a far away voyage. A familiar sound make itself known as the phone rings and he groans whiling the head ache away, he untangles himself from the warmth as his dog peeks out from the duvet as the chill kissed his skin. Kazuya answers on the fifth ring.

“Are you resting you voice enough?”  

“I’m fine, you woke me up…”

“You sound hoarse.”

“Done quite a lot of singing, but my voice holds.”

“Hmm, Kazuya take care of your voice.”

“Jin~” He whines as he returns to the bed snuggling underneath the warmth again as two furry forms snuggled up against him as he made himself comfortable again.

“I miss you…”

Kazuya chuckled.

“I reckon that.”

“Kazu~” Jin whines.

“I miss you too you great baby, how’s filming?”

“It’s fine, but I rather wanna curl around you and sleep some extra hours.”

“Those extra numbers seems just perfect…” Kazuya mumbles.

“Don’t fall asleep on me.” Jin whispers sweetly.

“About too…”

“Maybe I should leave you to your sleep your highness.”

“Oi~”

“You among other needs those extra hours…”

Kazuya snorts.

“But I can’t live without hearing your voice once in a while, Bakanishi.”

“Cheeky, and I miss you too my turtle.”

“Come home Jin.” As Kazuya buries his fingers in Ran’s fur his eyes closed just the soft puffs of air goes through the receiver.  

“I wish.”

 

To know, to feel, to play me once again  
Do you denote from what we feel  
Do you not know, I see you play the game  
Do you denote...

 


	5. These Fallen Petals

Yozora kara kimi no iro wo sagasunda　boku ni dake miete ita hazu no  
Yukkuri to tokei no hari ga kimi wo tsureteku todokanai basho e

 

Checking the last remaining things before the stage play would broad, he was slightly tired, but the spirit from his co-workers and Miyata’s birthday brought up his spirit, even if he had been here a countless of hours as Tamamori made an adorable fun gesture at the other side of the room and Kazuya couldn’t help to laugh.

 

\-----

 

Freedom, Kazuya could smell it miles away, but something stood in his way, she needed to tear down the only wall that stood in her way. She sneaked out from the estate, that chained her - to place she felt at peace.

The wind blows against her skin as he leans her chin in her in palms – waiting for destiny to step in and bound around her heart.

“Kazuya?”

She turns around, feeling her cheeks heat up.

“Hey Jin…”

“Let me take you somewhere…” Jin tells her as he leads her away from the rooftop, walking down the stairs pass the guards like they were invincible for the naked eye, and Kazuya lets her fall as that warm hand tangles with her fingers.

Puffs of air as they stop in a glade and the smell of sakura enters her nose and she looks around as Jin slowly picks a slow pace among the Sakura trees and spins around.

Kazuya falls even more, she knows now, she’s in love with destiny.

The pink petals falls dancing in the wind as Kazuya walks between them and suddenly the petals flows around in a hurricane dance and she met Jin’s eyes and her gaze soften. He steps inside the twirling of the petals and their lips met tender and a soft breeze made the petals swirl into a dance.       

 

\---

 

“Please watch Music Station this evening!” He was tired, but felt a new rush of energy flow through his veins as he thanks the audience, and steps off the stage for a shower and change of clothes, meet up with the rest of KAT-TUN, rehearse the last remaining details (until he needs to step into the next stage clothes.)

“Kame-chan!” Koki squeezes him into a tight hug and Kame felt his muscles relax a bit and he smiles.

Yuichi holds out a bento to him with a smile, feeding him whenever the possibility was there, dinner the nutrient his stomach craved after, as the other three waves at him from their meals tucked under their noses and Koki release him from his breath killer hug and he takes a seat and gives everyone a reassuring smile, being aware that he looked tired, but that could make-up hide, hide his façade for the audience.

Food in his stomach, feeling contend as a small warm up and their manager stepped inside the room as they warmed up their voices, the steps they could and energy where everywhere.

“Let’s do this!”

They were ready for another eventful evening, waving happy to the audience – they were first out and Kame longed for a bed and sleep.

 

\-----  

 

His worried band mates bribes him into sleeping, worried that he would collapse if he didn’t – but in this moment he knew his boundaries, and not to cross them.

He falls atop of the made covers and heaves a sigh as he felt the vibration coming from his pocket, reaching after his phone and answers with a well-earned yawn.

“You where awesome…”

“Thank you.”

“You sound tired.”

“Obviously…” Kazuya says teasingly.

“You are fine aren’t you?”

“I’m fine, Jin, just having worried band mates at my heels nothing to worry about…”

“But I am, rest your voice.”

“Hmm…” Kazuya hums and he swear he can see Jin rolling his eyes in front of him.

“I let you sleep…”

Kazuya turns around letting the phone fall down on the pillow, asleep and not hearing the words of love from his so called boyfriend.

 

Ushiro kara tozasareteku toki no tobira  
Sukima kara kimi no namae mou Ichido sakenda  
Nagashita namida ga ushiro ni ochiteku  
Sekai wa ima mo mawatteru kara

 

“Seriously Jin, that was…” Kazuya giggles as she tries to catch her breath combing her fingers through her hair as Jin just shrugs his shoulders chuckling softly as he lits some candles and Kazuya finds the couch quite comfortable when she sits down.

“We did outrun them, did we not?”

Kazuya chuckles leaning her head plopping up her feet’s on the couch.

“That we did, my father’s butlers are really stupid…”

“You want some snacks?”

“No I’m fine, Jin join me…”

Jin walks a bit hesitate to the perch of the couch and Kazuya holds out her arms, in an invitation.

“We have kissed, what are you afraid off?” Kazuya pouts and Jin finds it adorable, his cheeks flushed but he curled up a top of Kazuya his face redden and he felt the soft rounded flesh against his cheek and feeling those fingers tangled in his hair as another arm held him secured.

“Don’t be shy just let your emotions guide you.” A whisper to his ear made him shiver and he looks up, meeting those tense sensual eyes and he leans up inviting those thin delicate lips into a kiss and it turns sweeter, more demanding and he depends the kiss nipping at the under lip. Kazuya surrenders into the kiss letting Jin take the lead as a silent gasp fell from the bottom of her throat. Tongues met turning the kiss more passionate as Jin released a moan. Eyes met and air was needed, Kazuya smiles as her fingers tangles more in those strands as he tugs down the head guiding it towards her neck and teeth begins to nibble and Kazuya closed her eyes and felt her heart ceased and butterflies flutters in her stomach and this tender feeling sweep her over.

“Jin~”

Jin nips down a delicate throat finding a blue vein to nibble on as he feels the neck stretch out and he begins to suck drawing in the skin biting with his teeth. Jin feels the body squirmed underneath him as he continue nipping down pass the shoulder as he nips out slowly untying the dress losing the garment away from the shoulder teasingly as he nips down the bare skin. He stops at his destination pressing a kiss above that rounded flesh and eyes met a pair of flushed eyes.

“I love you…”

“I love you too…”

 

Mawari yuku kono hoshi wa mujyuuryoku no kurayami wo boku to kimi nosete  
Kawari dasu fuukei ga kokoro midashite yuku yoru no mannaka de hitori  
Ashita mo hyaku nen go mo kousa shinai toki no hate  
Sukoshi dake kimi no koto omoidashite miteru tokei no hari

 

\----

 

Kazuya enters the pantry with a stack of papers in his hand, a coffee mug held in his hand as he stumbles inside the room.

“Kamenashi-senpai.”

“Ohayou…” And he faces the children with a smile.

“Kamenashi-senpai!”

And a pair of tiny arms wraps around his waists almost dropping the papers in the process and these is one of those moments he loves his work – more than anything in the world.

 

Muriyari ni waratte kimi wa sotto boku no te wo nigiri shime  
Yoru ga chikadzuiteku ashioto sae kikenakunatte itanda  
Hitotsu dake kono yoru ni kimi no tame negai wo kakete miru  
Ashimoto ni kimi no tadoru ashita wo

 

\----

 

The annoying peeping from the machine told him he was still alive. Blinking he sees a white ceiling above him, the smell stale and the world caught up with him and Kazuya groans.

“Kazuya?”

That voice was so close, but why did it felt like it was so far away, like a void existence, whisper out to guide him on the right path.

“Jin~”

 

Yura yura to kiete yuku honoo ga futari no yoru ni zanzou nokoshite  
Hira hira to ochite ita hanabira ga saigo no kimi no rinkaku wo kakusu  
Ashita mo hyaku nen go mo kousa shinai toki no hate  
Chikadzukeba toozakaru shinkirou no kimi wa boku no yoru ni nokosu kotae

 


	6. A Shattered Heart

No turn off the sun  
Take down the moon  
For I don't need them anymore  
Go switch off the stars  
And paint the sky black  
Love isn't ever coming back  
There is no use in imagining a world without you  
Your love was like a drug I was addicted to

 

Kazuya feels those long fingers tangle his hair in a comforting gesture and his eyes met Jin’s – those eyes, old – like they had seen the world, but yet hid an inner child.

“You’re awake.”

“Jin~”

“You gave the others quite a scare young man.”

“You’re here…”

“Yes, I wanted to surprise you, but a frantic Yuichi called me, worried and I didn’t understand what half of it he rabble up. But two phrases led me here (Kazuya and hospitalized.)”

“Sorry…” Kazuya smiles faintly as he nuzzles against the hand.

“Don’t scare me like that.” Jin whispers as he leans down pressing a kiss against Kazuya’s forehead letting his lips linger there, feeling the slightly tingle of warmth.

“Kazuya~”

Kazuya cringe and Jin chuckles at him one the oldest member of the band steps inside the room pointing a finger at the younger as he rabbles up his scolding – and if it wasn’t for Jin that stopped him, with in fact a hand over his mouth.

“You will start growing gray hair if you continue like this.”

Yuichi sighs and looks worried at Kazuya.

“But…”

Kazuya can’t help to chuckle.

“But he’s here again.”

“Mou, Yucchi evil…” Kazuya mutters as he closed his eyes, almost on the edge to fall asleep when he snaps his eyes open.

“What is the clock?”

“You don’t wanna know.”

“Tell me?” Kazuya whines and looks pleadingly at Jin and Jin looks helpless at Nakamaru.

“Promise not to freak out and don’t go all – I am prefect but deep inside I am workaholic Kamenashi Kazuya.”

“Just tell me…”

“Two hours left.”

He nods and Jin sits down by the edge of the bed grabbing hold onto that palm.

“I brought you a change of clothes, Yuichi found you passed out in your apartment, what’s the last thing you remember?”

“Coming home from the set of Yokai walking out of the shower, then darkness…” Kazuya mumbles rubbing his face trying to rid the small tingle of head ache.

“Does he faint regularly?”

Yuichi shakes his head.

“No and the doctors haven’t found anything unusual, he’s one hundred percent healthy, just saying he needs sleep, a bit stressed other than that, no, and knowing Kazuya he has survived on less sleep.”   

“Hey don’t speak like the person isn’t here.”

“Sorry…”

Kazuya sees Jin’s concerning eyes on him and he gives him a reassuring smile as he sits up, just wanting the doctor to come in, so he can go, just wanting to hear the scolding from the doctor and be done with it.

“Be careful today, and I’ll be there when you get home.”

Kazuya wished for the evening to end when it hadn’t even begun – coming home knowing that someone was there, waiting, it felt like a dream come true and he closed the distance as their lips met for the first time month apart and it felt like coming home.

 

\-----  

 

“Kazuya no, I forbid you.”

“I am old enough to go out and see who I see fit.” Kazuya growls out.

“Not him, anyone but him.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s a scum a low being that should be kissing my feet.”

“Money is that you all care about?”

“Silence!”

“That shows how much you care about your daughter!”

A slap was heard echoing through the mansion, Kazuya glares at her father.

“I despise you.”

“To your room young lady and don’t think about coming down until you have calm down and I might be forgiving.”

Kazuya growls under her breath as she walks up the stairs and a slam of the door echoed through the mansion.

‘I’m not I am so sure that I will be so forgiving.’

That night no Kazuya turned up at their secret hid out – where the world was only theirs. 

Money can’t buy love – step by step a vow was formed, and fate played its mysterious wicked ways.  

 

\----

 

“Tadaima.”

“Okaeri nasai.”

And before Kame had the chance to step out of his shoes he was pulled, and secured in a pair of strong arms and Kazuya leans his head against that chest, feeling the heart beating – that strong beating muscle against his cheek – alive, warm and solid. Jin was here, it wasn’t a dream.

“Have you showered?”

“No…”

“Eaten?”

Kazuya chuckled.

“No~”

He missed this, the nagging, the overprotective Jin.

“Go shower, I’ll make something to eat…” Pressing a kiss against that mop of brown hair. Kazuya nods against the chest squeezing that body tighter against him and lips met in a brief tender kiss.

“I’ll be here when you step out.”

“I know.”

Stepping out from the shower, with a towel wrapped around his hips and let the scent of food guide him into the kitchen and there the man of his heart were, his hair tied up all fluffy and looking silken soft – he was here on the solid ground of Japan, no dream to shatter this moment.

Jin feels a pair of arms wrap around his waists and a kiss pressed against the nape of the neck and he managed to sneak an arm around his turtle and pull that body closer as he kissed those lips – the smell of newly bloomed sakura and Kame tingles in his nose and he kissed that pale shoulder.

“You are challenging fate itself you know…”

“I’m aware of it, yes.” Kazuya chuckles as he nips Jin’s under lip.

“Okaeri.”

“Tadaima…” Jin answers curtly.

“You’ll never get tired of this, but I’ve miss you…”

“No I will never get tired of hearing it~” Jin tells him as he turns his attention to the sukiyaki he had prepared – knowing his stoic turtle needed the nutrition, vitamins, protein and carbohydrates everything to satisfied his workaholic boyfriend.

Plates taken down from the cupboard, glasses refilled with cold rich water and food served they found themselves curled up under a blanket, the soft sound of the TV played in the background and food shoveled down and noodles slurp sounds reached the apartment this late evening.

“So, you wanna tell me what’s troubling your mind?”

“Images, vivid images that I can’t grasp a hold on…”

Kazuya can feel Jin’s confused gaze on him.

“Wired dreams, I rely remember…”

Jin sighs, his food eaten as he puts the plate on the table as he pulls his arms around his lover who seemed deep in thoughts.

“Don’t dwell on it. It’ll come to you…”

Kazuya was scared – a part of him did know, and that frighten him.

“That’s the thing a part of me knows.”

“Now you’re scaring me…”

Kazuya chuckles softly when he sees those worried eyes.

“I’m scaring myself.”

Jin brushes a kiss atop that forehead.

“Let’s go to bed…”  

 

\-----

 

Two month has passed by, the season changed – and I wonder if you have forgotten me, but my heart still remembers you, it will never forget. Never forget the tender feeling that sweeps me away.

The rain is pouring down blocking the sun and all I see is your warm smile.

I’m sorry Jin, but if your eyes could see into this wounded soul, I hope, I beg that you can hear my silent scream for a way out.

 

\-----

 

Jin brushes kisses along the perfect sculptured jawline and up the cheek, pass the temple until he reached the forehead and plants a kiss on top of it. Kazuya lays sprawled over him, spooned flushed against his body asleep and Jin can sees those tiny black bags underneath the eyes and his lips lingered on the forehead as he feels his eyes dropping but the body beside him moved slowly and brown eyes fluttered opens and Kazuya encased a breath he didn’t knew he held – and fate was repeating once again.

The sakura petals you left behind – was steps of the future.

 

No stop all the rain and poison the ground  
Love doesn't want to hang around  
Go turn all the fruits into bitter wine  
It was only sweet when you were mine  
There is an emptiness inside of me  
Since you been gone  
All the world has lost its meaning  
All my colors run

 


	7. Long Time No See

Mada kimi no koto wo sugoshita hi wo satoru e te iru  
Are kara nando ni mo natsu ga sugita noni  
Tada kimi no koto wo donna toki mo kanjite itta  
Kimi wo suki na koto ikoshiku omoe tetta  
Hisashiburi ni de atte kawaranu kimi ni atte  
Wakatta eien to ha kimi to mita keshiki demo naze ?   
Ni nin tada ano ame no naka zutto dakiai wakare  
Chika sugite hanarete itta onaji kimochi  
Waka sugita ni nin tsutsunda  
Omoide ga yomigaeru ima 

 

Play the prefect daughter – a smile hidden behind a perfect façade and an actor that could fool everyone around her, but only one could see right through her, could see her soul – her soul that was screaming silently after help. Locked up behind a steel of mind – her father ruled her, controlling her every step and little by little she died inside – the love she held of her father crumbled, she saw the truth build on lies.

 

\----

 

“I know~”

“Know what, Kazu?”

“Who those people are…”

An impulse and Kazuya untangles himself and he can see Jin’s awestruck face as hundred question flashes in those eyes and Kazuya can’t help to cringe. He managed to stand up Jin looks frantic there for a while and Kazuya feels an uneasy feeling spread inside him.

“Jin~” 

 

\----- 

 

I saw you, the snow flings was falling, dancing in the cold breeze, how long had it been now – almost half a year now, you still look beautifully handsome and you take my breath away staling it when those eyes look at me those brown tense eyes, and he could see my shattered soul and I knew I was forgiven.

He gives me a gentle smile – and my feet’s lead me to the voyage path called fate.

I don’t care as another door closes and another opens, a vow was made long ago bound them to walk the same road.

“Kazuya…”

Our eyes met, it felt like it was the last time – a forced goodbye – and god seemed to have some gold forged plan and I see your lips moving.

“I will find you…”

 

\---- 

 

“Kazuya…”

Kazuya groans, the stinging pain behind his temple made him close his eyes again.

“You are seriously worrying me now…” Jin strokes away those strands of hair and a pair of brown eyes flutters open.

“Wha-?”

“You fainted, I panicked called Nakamaru, he calmed me down told me what to do, I put you back to bed and now I have two worry tarts out there, so don’t walk out butt naked.”

Kazuya chuckled softly as Jin leans down giving him a kiss on the temple.

“You are scaring me…”

“Not more than I am scaring myself…”

Another kiss and it lingered atop of the brow.

“If the doctors don’t find anything, I’ll find it myself…”

“Dork, it’s nothing wrong me with, nothing the doctors will find…”

“Then what’s wrong, before you fainted: you said something about knowing who these persons are?” Jin feels his vision turns a bit more blurry, as tears is on the edge as Kazuya gets a bit recognition in his eyes and he bolts out, but imitate groans when the sharp pain made itself unknown and a pair of gentle arms guide him down towards the bed.

“Lay down…” The gently voice of Koki aluminate him and he gives in as he sees the silhouette of Nakamaru in the threshold.

“Sleep…” Jin whispers, as he gives Koki a grateful smile.

Kazuya snuggles down in his bed, closing his eyes, sleep – sleep was good, calm – “Jin.” That voice seemed to call from fate, a desperate call for help.

“Thanks guys…”

Koki pats him on the shoulder.

“No worries. If you need anything you know where we’re.…” Koki tells him and leaves the room, leaving them in peace.

Jin knows when Kazuya, is deep asleep, the worry disappears from that face, that aluminates in the moons rays and Jin carefully sits atop of the bed and slowly curled up along Kazuya’s body and buries his nose against that pale neck.

“I love you…”

 

\-----

 

Kazuya’s fingers moves gracefully over black and white keys.

_“Have you ever held the spinning earth in your palm?”_

_“No, but sometimes it feels like I do…”_

Jin’s lips whispers in her hear, a memory – not the fading one, one she still hold on to, Jin had showed her a world – A world she learned to understand.

“ _Thank you for today…”_  

A soft breeze made the leaf dance in the wind and a finger tune down the last note.

“Beautiful…”

“Father.” Kazuya stands up and bows respectably.

“When’re you going to forget him?”

‘Never’

“When my heart does not beat, my lungs can no longer aid me and my soul is free…”

“Silence, you’re disgrace…”

“Then tell me father, why was it so hard to love your own daughter?”

“I’ve given you my love, sweat and blood, and this is how you repay me?”

“Money can’t buy love…”

“Silence!”

A slap echoes between the walls.

‘Why can’t you just let me free?’

 

\-----

 

A newly awaken kitten, no turtle came out rubbing his eyes, hair tussled and a yawn made pass those pouty lips and dressed in a pair of black silk PJ pants and eyes flutters opens.

“Feeling better?” Jin wounds his arm around those slim hips laying his head atop of Kazuyas’

Kazuya nods against a broad chest soaking in the warmth, letting those arms reassuring that this was still reality, he sighs nuzzling closer, closing his eyes. Breathing in the smell that was Jin the deep musky scent – and he wants to plunge down forever and never come up for air.

“Breakfast’s done…”

“Huh?”

“It’s morning, one hour until you start filming, Kame you sure you are okay?” Koki asks worried, like it was a looking for endless clues in maze trying to figure Kazuya out.

“I’m fine, just…”

“A bit of the edge?”

‘Yes, the slightly tingle of head ache is still afoot.’

“Pain killers…” He whispers.

“What was that?” Jin says teasingly with hint of chuckling. 

“Pain killers…” Kazuya pouts.

It was not every day they had a chance to take care of the ‘KA’ in KAT-TUN, they enjoyed this, more than anything.

“You can’t swallow pain killers on an empty stomach, eat first painkillers later.” Yuichi said and Jin chuckled, one thing remains the same – Yuichi would always act as the worried father. 

 

\---

 

Dressed in a black dress her hair tied up her face slightly hidden underneath a black fedora, silent as the night – I searching you, Kazuya wants an answer, an answer she only could get.

There’s a tapping against his door, and Jin froze bit – not many knew about his hid out so he slowly went up to the door. Taking a deep breath as he opens the door, swinging it open and coming face with face half a face hidden from view by a black long fedora and it shift to the side revealing the face and Jin holds his breath - those shattered colors took his breath away.

“Kazuya wha-?”

He was pushed inside as the door slammed shut behind Kazuya and he saw those eyes burn and he lost his control.  

“Jin I want you.”   
  
“Kazuya-?”  

“Please, Jin” Those puffs of air against his lips, was a warning before lips met and Jin was paralyzed as he feel those fingers roam his chest tugging his buttons open, slow and elegantly. He feels lips nips on his neck and he gets his senses under control as his over flushed body can get a hold on his emotion for a while to just utter out the one word that mattered in this moment.

“Bed…”

Jin’s fingers starts to untie the numerous threads that held the corset secured and his palms squeeze a hand full of soft muscles, not to large, or to tiny just perfect and well define, perfect sculptured and he can’t control that moan as teeth bit down in his under lip as both tumbles down among crumbled sheets.

Kazuya trace Jin’s under lip which had gotten smeared with red lipstick and she licks her under lip, leaning closer and their eyes met before their lips met and the kiss turns tenderer as she wiggles out from her dress kicking it down over the edge as she is sprawled naked like a new born baby over Jin. Jin who still had his black trousers sitting tightly around his waist as that uncomfortable bulge starts to lengthen seeking attention and Jin unties that knot letting the long hair loose as Kazuya smiles leaving a brush of her lips on his before she slowly starts to nip down that throat licking her tongue over a vein hearing Jin’s virgin breath and Kazuya licks over a nub twirling it leaving a wet spot, before nibbling down as her hands slowly travels down rubbing her palm against the growing bulge. Hips moves on their own accord and her nails made a quick work on the button before she slips her hand underneath the clothes, seeking the warmth as her hand closed around growing skin and Jin arched his head. Kazuya strokes him slowly and teasingly as her teeth nibbles in the navel while her other hand slowly removed the last reaming garment with a bit of wiggling from Jin’s part. Kazuya pressed a kiss on the stomach traveling down slowly and teasingly and the flaccid skin jumps in her hand begging for attention, as a tongue line up licking over a blue vein as she rounds the head teasingly and she hears Jin’s intake of breath before Kazuya swallows him down brushing his teeth sensually against the skin as her tongue licks the clit and he bobs his head as she pushes the growing flesh inside her mouth, her teeth nipping over a blue vein feeling hips jump as fingers tangle in her hair digging into her skull and she sucks the head her tongue slowly milking the clit and Jin’s whole body shook and his toes curls against the sheets and his whole body tensed up and his mouth opens in a silent scream and his fingers tugs harder in the black silken locks in cue, in a warning – that he can’t hold onto any longer, the feeling is to overwhelming and a mouth sinks down on him again teeth scraping against fragile skin and he sees stars dance before him and the world turns white for a moment and he’s a boneless mess, panting and huffing, his chest heaving as lips cuts of partly of his air supply and he mewls when he tastes himself against those moist lips and he rolls Kazuya over trapping her in his protective embrace and his fingers discovers her curves and he leaves a soft tender kiss against those lips and their eyes met, it said everything, no words was needed – just letting mind and body become one.

Fingers cares down memoir every part of that soft skin and a finger rubs over the clit as he leans down giving those lips a passionate kiss and legs sprawls against the side as fingers runs down his back making him shiver, and he heard that moan coming from the deeps of that throat. He presses sensual kisses along the skin nibbling down over a flat sculptured stomach until he licks the wetting clit and legs settles against his shoulders and fingers starts to prod the opening slipping inside the heath, opening her up and she was ready already dripping wet, ready when he nips the clit hearing those panting puffs of breaths.

“Jin…”

He licks his lips meeting those lust full eyes and slowly crawls up again over her body and legs traps him, wounding them around his waists and moist lips met sweet and tender and a hand palms her right breast cupping it in his hand tenderly as lips nips and slowly that tight heat surrounds him those tight walls made him pant after breath and his moan got stuck in his throat when he feels fingers tangles in his hair, depending the kiss turning more rougher, more passionate more erotic and Jin groans as Kazuya arched back and he spills inside those walls and feels a lick against his ear. Kazuya arch her head back moaning blissfully – as time seemed to stand still and the world spun of its axis before she becomes a sweaty sticky panting mess on the bed with Jin sprawled out over her, his weight the most blissful feeling she ever felt and she cares her fingers through those sweaty locks, planting a kiss atop of that head. Jin sighs happily the feeling of the lithe body under him her soft curves pressing against him and their moist flushed lips met in sweet kiss as Jin rolls over letting Kazuya curl around him with her head atop of his chest legs tangles and fingers tangles right above Jin’s beating heart.

Do you see those shattered stars – those falling petals and you leave without an answer, your silhouette hiding in the shadows that feeds on your fear.

 

So please  
Give me, give me, give me, give me one more chance  
Kimi no hitomi dake mi tai  
I could take me back when I first saw U love U  
Give me, give me, give me, give me one more chance  
Namida ga kareru sono mae ni  
I wanna be with you towa ni  
No break, no breakaway

 


	8. The Clock Keeps Ticking

 Shihaisareru yubisaki made  
Kuruoshi hodo shibirete  
Atama no naka kowarete yuku  
Watashi wa ima naze doko  
Me no mae kara hikari ga kie  
Towa no nemuri shi demo

 

“Kazuya!” His mother flung her arms around his neck, holding tight squeezing his air out of his lungs – between press conference, PV – planning and a lot of coffee drinking he had managed to turn up here of all places but he smiled as he felt those comforting arms around him.

“Jin, Jin my baby…” She throws herself against him, pinching his cheek.

“You’re taking care of my baby, don’t you?”

Kame giggles softly and Jin’s eyes huffs at him – and no matter how cute it is to watch his boyfriend getting scold by his mother, he didn’t feel sorry for him.

“You two must be hungry, come in.” She invites them in, and Kazuya feels this warm feeling settle inside him – the warm feeling, home, warmth and love and Jin smiles at him and there’s food waiting the smell of homemade food – his mother’s cooking. He refills a glass of water to chase away the thirst.

“You must be hungry, you barely eat anything longer my child…”

Kazuya smiles bitterly as another warm presence made itself know – and Kazuya met those warm eyes, that held a gentle spirit and the love for his child.

 

\----- 

 

That gentle tapping against her window, made her frown, it was raining the heaven had open pouring down its sorrow as she saw a dark silhouette outside. She opens the door and met a pair of frantic eyes and a drenched Jin as hurls invites him in.

“Are you out of your mind?” She asks as she walks up to a cupboard trying to locate a towel.

Jin chuckles, feeling the shivers finally made itself known in his current state as his body finally seemed too caught up with him.

“Maybe I am…”

“Baka, what if-“

“I’m fine; just give me the damn towel…” He mutters as Kazuya starts to dry his hair in slow gentle strokes as she mutters something under her breath and Jin closes his eyes – remembering why he was here and he opens his eyes, meting those brown gentle eyes of the woman he loved – fate, he called it.

“Come with me.”

“What?”

“Come with me, please Kazuya.”

Kazuya quaver her lips – still drying that hair and part of Jin’s cheek that seems a bit flushed. 

“You know I can’t.”

“Who says you can’t?” Jin asks gently, looking at her as he places his arms around her neck, hanging on like she was his lifeline in this world when she stood in the way in his path – a wall was still there, needed to be broken.

Kazuya sighs.

“Come with me…”

Their lips met – and he had the answer.

 

Tomo ni kizamu haritachi ni  
Oku no hou wo kamishimete  
Zutto zutto samenu yo ni  
Mune ni te wo ate negau  
Ai wo...  
  
  
“Are you sure you’re okay, you look a bit pale…”

“I’m fine, Jin just stuffed with food – I overdid it on the food, nothing to worry about…”

‘But, I’m worried’ Was the only thoughts in Jin’s head as he glance over Kazuya on this late evening, he was curled up in the passenger seat looking overly small – like he wanted to shield away from something, and Jin wanted to protect him from the invincible demon – Kazuya was like the riddle clue secret.

The streets was a alive just like Tokyo itself – and Jin wonders when he well get the unknown answers he searched for, and he wonders when his boyfriend had become so complicated, but this was Kamenashi, but he can read him like an open book, he still can and he tries to build a puzzle that would never be complete, like a maze he would never find the way out from, walking endlessly in circles.  

The clocked ticked to half past one, the door closed behind them and before Jin can step out of his shoes there’s a silhouette of a person dashing away – heading to the bathroom and the color disappeared from Jin, and he felt an unpleasant feeling shiver along his spines and the sounds of heaving reached the walls. He steps out of his shoes running his fingers through his hair in totally desperation – feeling helpless he does the only thing he can, walking inside the bathroom he crouch down behind his boyfriend caressing away the hair rubbing the back, just being there as he felt the shiver coarse through the slim body and he hears a cough and wheezing and slowly he secures that body, holding it in his arms as he pressed a kiss against the head as he closes his eyes feeling desperation climb over him and he felt tears burn in his eyes.

The world spins and Kazuya groans seeing the floor dance before him and the intense head ache tingled behind his temples and he feels gentle arms hold him, securing him in an embrace of warmth and his frantic helpless eyes met those worried eyes.

“Save me…”

‘Will you be my sheltering umbrella, when the world seems so small? 

 

Yasashii no yara nani na no ka  
Ichibyou goto ni iro wo kaeru  
Zutto zutto watakushi wo  
Sono te de tsukande ite ai de

_“Kazuya~”_

Eyes flutters open, groaning – another vivid memory that slowly fades as reality made itself aware and the warm presence him told him that it wasn’t a dream. Nose pressed against his throat, arms that hold him secured a leg throwed between his and that warm palm rested on his stomach, his stomach that had settle – but still was rather queasy.

Giving that cheek a kiss, ‘I love you’ before wiggling out from that warm embrace as he rubbed his eyes, grabbing his robe before he walked out from the bedroom and he stops in his tracks, four sprawled bodies in his tiny living room and he smiles – worry tarts, but Junno’s long legs hanged over the edge of the couch, dork. But it made him smile.

“What are you doing up?”

Kazuya sees a pair of gentle eyes watch him from the shadows, he takes a seat beside the futon giving the oldest a reassuring smile, as those eyes watched him.

“Have you ever wondered?”

“Wonder what?” Yuichi asks, pensive as the moon aluminates the room and their eyes met.

“Fate…”

“Huh?”

“Like it happen before, like I’ve been here, but fate stepped in and gave me another chance, us another chance…”

“Kazuya you’re speaking in riddles.” Yuichi sits up and looks at him worried.

“I know you’re under pressure, which means we don’t worry less, you have a man inside there, who’s worried then anything, he cried he was desperate go back to him and sleep.”

“Fate has it mysterious ways, Yuuchi, finding the hidden clues, is just a part of it.”

“Kame go to bed, you’re scaring me.”

Kame chuckles darkly.

“I’m scaring myself, but why did we get a second chance, why did fate led us on this path, what made the path to give us a second chance?”

“Kazuya, calm down…”

A pair of warm arms wraps around his middle a head lays against his back.

“Snap out if it…”

“Why?”

 

 ---- 

 

“Kazuya are you there?”

“Jin, run…” Kazuya whispers when he hears the knock on her door.

Those sun rises I had seen with you - I would never see again.

“No!”

“Jin, Run”

“I won’t, I don’t care, I won’t run from my fears, I will face him, I will be able to look into those eyes of the father you despise. I love you.”

Kazuya gulps, fear takes a hold on her and fingers grab her chin gently and she looks into those eyes.

“Don’t fear.” 

The door broke down and the cards were played.

 

\----

 

“Jin, I need to talk to you…”  

Jin who was attempt to make something to eat, more like midnight snack walked to the porch of the doorway looking at Kazuya, who was curled up on the couch glasses rested on his nose, hair tied back and papers shattered around and a lap top rested on the table, clearly writing some lines on Dream Boys – and no matter how devoted this man was to his work, Jin wonder when that man would have some real rest – probably never, it was Kamenashi after all – his workaholic adorable boyfriend.

“Hmm?”

Kazuya takes of his glasses, rubbing his eyes as the tingle of headache throbbed behind his temples.

“I want to find answers…”

“You’re speaking in riddles, like now you are like a jigsaw puzzle to puzzle together piece by piece but I still can’t find that hidden clue, Kazuya tell me what’s on your mind.” Jin who sits down beside his riddle clue boyfriend as he wraps his arms around him and a slimmer body curled up on his lap.

“I know who those people are…”

“You said that before, but that just worried me more, then you started to talk riddles and you snapped which was very scary, and the frantic eyes of our worried friends will never leave my memories – not less worry about you.”

“Who are those people you speak of?”

Kazuya knows he had shaken up quite many things, his band mates didn’t try to worry but their façade was easily broken – and no matter how hard they tried to hide it, Kazuya knew and he was the only one that could put them out of their misery, and all this scared him more then he wanted to admit – fate had stepped inside and he met those eyes, eyes that behold an old spirit.

“Our past self…”

 

Anata to no hibi yume mite  
Chitte itta hoshitachi mo  
Douka douka samenu yo ni  
Mune ni te wo ate negau

 


	9. Fate Have Thier Plan

I know, should realize  
Time is precious, it is worthwhile  
Despite how I feel inside,  
Have to trust it will be alright.  
Have to stand up to be stronger.

 

“Our past selfs?” 

Jin is awe stricken and he felt that nod against his chest.

“How long?”

“Since I conjured the memory deep within me, a strong vivid dream that didn’t want to let me go…”

“So, when you woke whispering those words, you knew?” Jin whispers.

Kazuya nods as he cups Jin’s cheek in his palms.

“I want proofs, I really wanna know – I know, but I want a picture…”

Jin pressed a kiss against that forehead.

“You need to sleep first…”

Past life, Jin wonders if something like that was even true, but everything lead to an answer if you just tore down the hidden parts, and he didn’t doubt Kazuya and that part scared him, maybe it was his old soul that made him to believe.

Squeezing that body closer as he leans his head against a skull with brown mop of hair, he sighs.

“You’re so complicated right now, but I don’t love you less…”  

 

\--- 

 

“Digging after hidden clues, you know this will take a while?” Jin says softly and looks into those eyes – eyes he can plunge into and something wraps around his heart gently and he can’t breathe – a mirror.

They say that the eyes are the gate way to a person’s soul – those brown eyes, so old but yet so young, Kazuya always seemed so old and early stage to adultness and yet carefree – and Jin wonders if Kazuya’s eyes was a mirror of past life hidden in lies, a secret that yet didn’t seem to be reveal, walking path of endless crossroads to reveal the open gates of fate.  

“Old archives, yes I know…” Kazuya smiles, as his feet’s rest on the desk, leaned back against a chair and papers shatters around him, in an old cult vault as Jin lowers another box of old papers sorted in alphabetic order.

Thanks to some helpful people – police, lawyers, people that searched your roots had led them on this path and clues where to start, every life had a beginning and an end.    

But it all felt like a dead end answers they sought seemed to be impossible to find – Jin heaves a sigh as he sees Kame rub his eyes.

“Wanna order in something?”

“Something to drink, and ramen, I have a craving for ramen.”

“As you wish my dear, lady…” Jin pressed his lips against that forehead before he walked out to find a guard to talk to him, if it’s was okay to order down something, or if they had to escape out the rain to find shelter in a restaurant.

‘Lady, who do you call a lady, pift.’ He might’ve been a lady in his past life, but he was in fact hundred percent male, he was sure of it.

Kazuya rubs his eyes and sighs, as he stands up stretching his limbs back as he takes down another box, finding old ancient papers inside his fingers glides softly across the smooth material and he gently lowers the box down on the table his fingers smoother over the papers gently and his fingers brushed against something yellowish and brown and his fingers reach after it, like an instinct – an act, the photo was old, but not blurry and he gasps after a breath he didn’t know he needed to take as Kazuya looks into those eyes, his breath caught in his throat, he was suffocating and the hand of doom wraps around his heart – and his blood froze in his veins.

 

\---

 

You promised those fallen sakura petals – now blood stained – those shattered stars you were supposed to chase away, a fallen soldier which the light had gone out, you promised to show me the world – fate we called it – a path made long ago, a thin red thread was bound around the hearts of fate.

“I despise you!” Echoed into the night.

“I love you…”

Kazuyas’ whole body shock in shivering trembles as she lowers head down upon a chest, a chest that was no longer breathing, but the little warmth gave her a sign of security – she would never bow down to her father again, never play the perfect daughter.

‘Jin~ I love you’

The red line was connected the path of fate shattered.

“Kazuya, he’s dead…”

‘I’ll protect your soul, secured in my palm.’ 

 

Oh, this night is too long.  
I have no strength to go on.  
No more pain, I'm floating away.  
Through the mist I see the face  
Of an angel, who calls my name.  
I remember you're the reason I have to stay.

 

“Whoa, easy there…”

Those gentle arms close around him in a secured shelter, it was like plunging up for a deep breath – fate had played its wicked game once again and Kazuya looks up meeting those eyes with his, seeing Jin’s eyes watching the photo held in his fingers. He pressed a soft gentle kiss against the chin.

Kazuya remembers when he first met Jin, it was in a changing room, it was a beautiful day the sun kissed his skin and faith had stepped in when their hands had shaken, a bond already made, that thin red thread wound itself around their hearts, and an unbreakable vow tasted reality once again.

“No wonder that you can be so feminine…”

“Oi~” Kazuya growled.

Jin leans down pressing his lips against those sweet manly lips – they got an answer.

1869th

Arms wraps around his neck as fingers plays with the hem of his hair.

“If you want, we could maybe find a picture of you, but that’s unlikely, consider you were who you were…”

“And who, was I?”

Some part of Jin, knew, he just hadn’t unlocked it, his secret but starring at a picture resemble your now living very much male lover, a part of him knew which kind of person this Kazuya was, and what role he had been playing, he didn’t care a part of him knew, he felt it, it was there hidden deep inside him, this was proof enough.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Lips met, the red thread would never be broken – fate made sure of that, rewritten and rebound – the old souls had found each other again – their roads crossed never to part again. 

“Jin?”

“Hmm?”

“You said something about food, ne?”

Jin chuckles, a mystery solved and it was a bit creepy, but fate was fate, it played its mysterious ways of paths you walk on always tearing down the walls that seemed to stand in the way.

They had managed to break down the wall, once again – and Jin looks at Kazuya, he held an old soul inside, just like him and he could see the past flicker in those eyes.

We promised after all.  

 

I've been living for so long,  
Many seasons passed me by.  
I've seen kingdoms through ages  
rise and fall, I've seen it all.

 


	10. Walk

Oboeteru yo oboeteru yo  
deau tame umarete kita  
mada minu asa kimi no koe  
sore deke wo mune ni kizamikomu

 

To protect the soul – the old soul that had given them a second chance of love, the hand of doom had befallen them, fate was sitting perched upon their shoulder, leading their way on the right path, and when it was led astray it was there to lead them on the right path once again.

“Jin~”

“Hmm…”

Jin looks down into the old soul of the beholder as his fingers combs through the soft brown strands.

“We’ll be okay won’t we?”

“Yes we will…” He pressed a kiss atop the mop of brown hair.

Pictures of a hidden truth, a bittersweet love tainted in fear – truth reveled, the dreams fade into nothingness – those shattered stars glimmers in a new hope.

“We’ll be okay…”

And two lost souls long ago found each once again – given a new path to walk on.

Photo of the past and now lay before them.

Future was still an open door with many knobs to relieve, whenever fate knocks on them.  

 

Aruki dasu

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song List each chapter:
> 
> Prologue: Memories – Within Temptation  
> Chapter One: Water Dance – KAT-TUN  
> Chapter Two: Aishiteru Kara – Kamenashi Kazuya (KAT-TUN), A Page – Akanishi Jin  
> Chapter Three: Orchard of Minds – Globus  
> Chapter Four: In The Dark – KAT-TUN  
> Chapter Five: Darren Hayes – Black out the Sun  
> Chapter Six: Give me, Give me, Give me – KAT-TUN  
> Chapter Seven: 1582 – Kamenashi Kazuya  
> Chapter Eight: Pale – Within Temptation, Jillan I’d Give my Heart – Within Temptation  
> Epilogue: Birth – KAT-TUN
> 
> Other songs you can hint at, Kizuna, Eternal and One Day.


End file.
